Homework Battles: Why Letting Go Might Be the Smartest Move You Make

I remember sitting late at night, marking a huge pile of homework…week after week, only to hand it back to students who never even looked at it.

I’d sit there thinking, what am I doing?

And honestly? I wasn’t the only one wondering.

John Hattie’s Visible Learning research has shown what many teachers quietly suspect: homework has little to no impact on learning, especially in primary school. But somehow, it’s become one of the biggest sources of tension between parents and children.

You know how it goes…

• The backpack hits the floor.

• The snacks come out.

• And the next hour turns into a battle of wills over something neither of you actually believes in.

Somewhere along the line, we confused busyness with benefit.

Homework was meant to reinforce learning. Instead, it often teaches stress, avoidance, and power struggles. When the goal becomes just get it done, no one’s learning anything valuable, least of all the skills that matter most: problem-solving, curiosity, and self-motivation.

And here’s the part that really doesn’t make sense, parents doing their child’s homework.
You might tell yourself it’s just this once, or that you’re “helping,” but the truth is, your child learns nothing from you rescuing them. Except maybe that when something feels too hard, someone else will step in and fix it.

That’s not support…that’s short-circuiting growth.

Homework is supposed to be revision, work that your child already understands and can complete independently. If they can’t do it without help, the problem isn’t effort, it’s readiness.

The irony? Homework tends to work best for the kids who need it least, those with supportive routines, calm homes, and enough energy left at the end of the day. For others, it’s just another reminder of what feels too hard.

So here’s my take; maybe it’s time to give yourself permission to let it go a little.
If your child’s tired, anxious, or overwhelmed, ask yourself: what’s the real lesson tonight?

Because the truth is, connection teaches far more than correction ever will.

Imagine instead spending that hour cooking dinner together. Reading a chapter of a book. Talking about the best and hardest parts of your day. That’s still learning — emotional, social, and relational learning — and it lasts longer than any spelling list ever will.

If You’re Feeling Guilty About Homework…

You’re not alone. Most parents I work with tell me they feel torn; they don’t want to disappoint the teacher, but they also don’t want home life to become another classroom.

My advice? Focus on the purpose, not the paper.
If the task builds confidence or gives your child a sense of success, great.
If it only builds stress, step back & learn to let it go.

You’re allowed to protect your child’s love of learning.

Because homework should never come at the cost of calm.

And connection, real, human, everyday connection, will always have the greatest impact of all.