If Bedtime Is a Battle, You might be Starting Too Late

Why the evening routine needs to start before anyone’s tired

I can tell by 9am.

A student walks in and I know they didn’t get enough sleep.

Their shoulders are hunched. Their eyes are dull.
They’re short-tempered, distracted, out of rhythm.

And the ones who did sleep well?

They move with purpose. They recover from setbacks faster. They can actually be in the room.

Sleep changes everything.

The bedtime battle most parents don’t see coming

When families talk to me about bedtime struggles, they usually think the problem is what’s happening at bedtime…refusal, tears, stalling, meltdowns.

But by that point?
You’ve already missed the window.

Most bedtime stress happens because the routine starts too late.

The child’s tired. You’re tired. There’s too much to do and not enough structure to hold it all.

Behaviour is the symptom, not the problem

When kids resist the bedtime routine, it’s not because they don’t want to cooperate.
It’s because their brain is already in shutdown mode.

Trying to:

• brush teeth,

• change into pyjamas,

• pack forms for the next day,

• and get into bed all within a 15-minute rush?

That’s a guaranteed recipe for conflict.

So what works better?

You don’t need a fancy routine.
You need an earlier one.

Here’s what I tell parents who want calmer evenings:

1. Start earlier than you think

If bedtime is 8pm, don’t start the routine at 7:55.
Start it at 7.
That gives everyone breathing room to move through the steps, without rushing or shouting.

2. Use fewer words

Stop explaining, negotiating, repeating.
Just give one short instruction at a time:
“PJs on.”
“Teeth now.”
“Bag for tomorrow.”
Less talking = less resistance.

3. Rehearse the routine during the day

Don’t wait until everyone’s exhausted to practise.
Run through the steps when energy is high and emotions are stable.

Then it’s familiar, not a fight…when it matters.

4. Stick to a consistent order

Children thrive on patterns.
Same steps, same order, same flow = fewer power struggles.
Even if the time has to shift slightly, the sequence builds trust and predictability.

Final thoughts

If bedtime is a battleground, it’s not just your child who’s overwhelmed.
It’s the routine that needs adjusting, and the timing that needs shifting.

Start earlier. Cut the clutter.
You’ll be amazed at how much smoother the whole evening feels.

And when kids go to sleep feeling calm, safe, and prepared?
The next day starts differently too.